After a few minutes of traipsing through little-disturbed underbrush (the near-full moon helped), we emerged into a grassy clearing, bounded by trees ...n three sides and gently moving water on the fourth. If Maddie hadn't told me otherwise, I'd have sworn that no one had ever been here before."It's beautiful," I breathed. Turning to her, I asked, "How did you ever find this place?" Rachel and I used to come here a lot. We stumbled across it two years ago, and decided to take a different way here. In fact, once she got a little peek at the outside world, she would not be denied at all. I tried to put her away or relegate her to an occasional fetish, but it never worked. I even purged all her stuff a time or two. But inevitably the unquenchable need to be Jennifer always came back, and it would come back stronger and quicker each time I tried to deny her.Truth be told, I am glad I attempted to get rid of Jennifer. Because my failure to do so has affirmed that she is who I am and who I. One seemed prettymotivated and wanted to look at some places this morning; the other saidthey could meet after lunch. I agreed to meet them at 10am and 1pm,respectively.I decided to go to the first listing ahead of time to review notes andwalk through the apartment. Maybe the walk would help me clear my headtoo. I grabbed my coffee and muffin in case my appetite returned andleft. Walking uptown on Washington St, I saw a young homeless guy with asign asking for food, so I gave him my (almost. But I did, didn't I. I did humiliate and belittle you. Just telling you what I wanted was enough, wasn't it."I looked at Howard carefully. I don't know what kind of reaction I expected, but he remained calm and composed. I pushed on."I don't know how to tell you how ashamed I am of what I have done to you and how sorry I am. I know an apology is not enough. Ginny has recommended a psychiatrist that she says can help me. I do need help to understand why I behaved the way I did. I will call her.
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