“Jed, I’ll fetch your family Bible,” said Mrs Calhoun, leaving the room.“Gee, Pa, I didn’t know your full name was Jedediah,” said Jay.“...nd you don’t like people knowing your full name is Jacobian,” replied Mr Calhoun.“Aw Pa, you didn’t have to tell him,” said Jay, indicating me.“He already knows, son. Your name is on here too.”“Mr Calhoun,” I interrupted, “what does the family tale say?”“The story goes that even though the witch was supposed to be securely locked up in jail, she somehow got. I’m sorry I called. Goodnight.” And she hung up.Ten minutes later my phone rang again. I thought, “She’s changed her mind and I’m going to fuck her brains out.”“Hello.”"Hi, Bill. It's Linda. Were you asleep?"Not only was I surprised, but also her voice sounded so soft and sexy on the phone.“Not at all. I can’t sleep for thinking about you and your gorgeous long hair.”“Aww. Really?”“Yes. I’ve never met a more attractive and sexier girl.”“That’s so sweet.”I had my eyes closed trying to imagine. All I want to do is get back to my hotel, clean up and regroup for tomorrow. I plan on commandeering one of the Chinooks to take me back to my hotel since Ben put a fifty caliber hole into the engine on my chopper. I'm finally settled in the Chinook, the pilot fires up the engine, there's a loud bang, the indicator lights on the control panel go fucking crazy and the pilot yells, "Fuck! We need to get out of here now before she blows!"The bastard pilot opens his door and takes off like his ass. Questions like what it was like get it on with people like Lindsay Lohan and Drew Barrymore and Jodie Henry. The question about what it was like to fuck Lindsay Lohan was usually accompanied by the follow up question of whether she was as bad as the magazines and the poison pen gossip columnists painted her.Naturally I refrained from commenting on any question. I figured that human nature being what it was, especially if they were the sort of person who believed every single thing written by.
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