I stillhad to endure the brainwashing of a conservative Christian upbringing. I couldbe gay, but I just had to spend my life alone so God would not be...angry withme. I spent many long lonely nights. Often on those nights, my thoughts wouldturn to Coach Williams. I knew then he was my first "crush." I wondered wherehe was and how he was doing.Time moved along quickly until one day I found myself approaching forty. Havingnever been with a man, I had come to accept the fact that I was meant to. I realized that tears are running down my cheeks as I poured myself another large glass of wine. I took the movies and my wine into the small living room and put them down on the coffee table. I selected disk number on, put it in the DVD player and sat down. I took a big sip of my wine and started the disk.The movies were hard to watch. Especially that first one when there had been so much pain. I learned something, though. I noticed that they started recording me dancing almost from the moment. It was Karen's father, Chris. "Oh shit!" Snapped Karen, "what the fuck do we do now? If he finds us like this he's gonna go fucking mental!" Don't panic," her mother answered, "I'll keep him downstairs while you go into your room. We'll finish this later." "Is anyone here?" Shouted the voice once more.The two women scrambled to get their clothing together, Karen scooping it all up in one bundle, her mother placing on each piece as quickly as she could. They stood at the door hoping Chris was. On the way to His home, a somewhat bigger-than-averagebungalow, I had been chained to Achref and Ashraf, my two escortingguards. As I walked ten feet behind them, I took the time to reflect onthe deepest significance of submitting to Gerhard and the implications ofcompleting such a demanding programme for my womanhood. My soul, my mind,my heart and my body, every single inch of me was projected towards Him.My whole Self was transcending to a higher, sky-high level of femininespirituality. As I.
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